From the ages of 13 - 15, I was obsessed with changing my handwriting. I remember seeing my Dad's uppercase R's that he used for lowercase letters. I practiced for hours to make my R's the exact same way. That wasn't the only style of writing I chose to mimic. I was fascinated with my Aunt's writing too. For a while there I went through a stage where I was reading too many teen-bopper books and all my i's had to be dotted with hearts. Over the years I've developed a style all my own, but I don't doubt that a majority of my penmanship comes from the sources I imitated so meticulously during those formative years.
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I love remembering this time in my life because it reminds me that people do change. Although only God can save, we are responsible for our actions and it's up to us to continue to evolve into our personal best. Looking in the rearview mirror of the past six weeks, that concept has never been clearer. I've laughed, cried, complained, and yelled more times than I can count. I've done my homework and once decided NOT to do my homework because I felt it wasn't important and suffered the consequences. I've learned that nine college level science courses never mentioned the cardiovascular, digestive, excretory, circulatory, and other human body systems, the most important concepts I will teach in seventh grade science. (Thanks, Uni) I've met friends who are more like family than classmates, but most of all, I learned to be a part of something bigger than me. Trying my hand at teaching has shown me how important it is to stay calm, not just for myself, but for my students. They feed off my energy. If I'm stressed and exhausted, they will be too. (Dealing with thirty people mirroring your actions is a very humbling experience!)
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Teaching has also made me a better student. After telling kids to "focus" for seven hours a day, it is all the more important that I exhibit these qualities when I go to my own classes, even if they can't see me. How can I look a student in the eyes and tell them to pay attention when I'm on Facebook and Twitter during my college lectures? I've learned that being quiet is really, really, really, hard to do. Today I tried my hand at non-verbal classroom management and experienced first hand what it's like to be silent in a hallway, or lower your voice in the classroom, especially when you have a point you want to get across, yet this is what we demand students do every day and tell them it's "easy." (Yeah right.)
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The truth is, this teaching thing is hard. If I didn't realize that before, I definitely do now. It goes against the very fibers of my being. Sometimes I feel like I'll never get any better, that I need to just give up. But everytime I look at my handwriting scrawled across a page, I'm reminded that we all have the ability to change, we simply have to believe that we can.
